McDonald’s Monopoly (on retards)

It’s 2008, and this years McDonald’s Monopoly game is under way.  But before you get your hopes up, let’s consider just how stupid this promotion really is.  Well, first we need some cold hard statistics.  We need to figure out just what we’re up against.  How about the McDonald’s website?  Yea, they must have the terms and conditions up there, but wait I can’t seem to find it on the monopoly page here:

I can find my free online offers.  I can see stacks of money everywhere. I can see happy people (healthy happy people at that).  Shit, I can even see a link to nutrition information (if that’s what they’re going to call it).  But where the hell are the terms and conditions?  Oh, wait, it may be in the fine print (shown here at ACTUAL SIZE):

Yea, you try to read it.  Anyway, that link redirects you here:

That’s what we were looking for.  Ok, so here are the facts we need:

1) there is one chance to win $1,000,000

2) there are 591,287,650 game pieces

3) the prices of the items that get you game pieces are $1.49, $2.51, $3.77, $2.30, $1.00, $1.00, $1.10, and $2.21

3a) therefore the average price of an item that gives you a game piece is $1.92 (actual average is slightly higher)

4) there are two game pieces per item

4a) therefore the average price of a game piece is $0.96

So essentially the game costs a dollar and you have a one in SIX-HUNDRED-MILLION chance to win.  Bullshit!  Just as a point of reference, Mega Millions also costs a dollar and you have a 1 in 175,711,536 chance to win.  Plus you get a lot more money with Mega Millions.  That’s right, you’re about three times more likely to win a LOT more money if you just add a dollar to your next beer/wine/liquor purchase in Maryland.  Plus the proceeds will go towards EDUCATION!  Not the international fat-ass conglomerate.

Well assuming all of the game pieces get sold, McDonald’s will make 591,287,650x$0.96.  So that’s $567,636,144 minus the $1,000,000 they need to pay out.  So $566,636,144.  And I guess you have to take away the cost of food and packaging, but that’s negligible, we’ll say $100,000.  So that leaves us with $566,536,144.  We really can’t think of anything better to do with that money?  Really?

That’s enough money to launch 6 rockets into space.  It’s enough money to buy two tanks of gas for every man woman and child in New York City, or better yet, a new bicycle for most of them.  Hey I have an idea, you could give everyone in the United States two Mega Millions game plays.  SWEET!

So before you go pissing your money away on this bullshit hoax Monopoly game.  Think really hard about how poor of an investment it is, and if you still need your fix, consider something more cost effective, like Russian roulette.



Filed under it's the little things that count

4 responses to “McDonald’s Monopoly (on retards)

  1. Morgan

    You don’t remember the runaway fast food game “Roy Rogers Russian Roulette Romp?”

    1 in 100 holsters of fries contained an actual Colt Single Action Army Revolver 7 1/2″ Cavalry standard. One in 200 of those revolvers had a single .45 caliber, 255-grain lead bullet. A person who acquired a loaded instance of “the equalizer” would be eligible to win a prize if they flicked the cylinder, put the weapon to their skull, and pulled the trigger in a crowded room.

    Unfortunately, the promotion was canceled after politician Budd Dwyer accidentally blew his brains out during a press conference as he was trying to redeem his prize.

    Of course wikipedia ( and the mainstream media painted it as a suicide due to a bribery scandal. Typical lib-tard media!!!!1

  2. Nothing like a few hard numbers to put things in perspective, eh? Mickey-D’s Monopoly is so scandalous, I’m surprised it’s not illegal.

  3. Jessika

    So I’m guessing McDonald’s is out for lunch….but hey, by the way….if you happen to come across Boardwalk, I have Park Place…..we can split the million.

  4. Pingback: THAT Animeblog - Chaos;HEAd, Episode #04: Will the real Shogun please stand up?

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