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Welcome to the errordactyl coolness aptitude test, or the ECAT for short. The purpose of the ECAT is to determine just how valid you are to society. I tested it out yesterday for the first time on my two friends Patrick and Anthony. Below is the test, followed by the answers, and the transcripts of my conversations with them.
TO TAKE THE TEST, SIMPLY CHOOSE WHICH THING IS COOLER:
1 ) freakishly tall people vs. freakishly short people
2 ) motorcycles vs. siamese twins attached at the penis
3 ) those extreme fish that live in super hot water vs. the NASA plane with backwards wings that can fly out of our atmosphere
4 ) Ronald McDonald vs. the alien-Sigourney Weaver hybrid from the “Alien” movies
5 ) the sun vs. boobs
6 ) persians vs. the tooth fairy
7 ) alcohol vs. the color brown
8 ) non-anime cartoons vs. cold stuff between -40 and 0 degrees Celsius
9 ) Mayans vs. the printing press
10 ) hagfish vs. butterflies
11 ) hitler vs. cigarettes
Some asshole in a “Smart” car cut me off the other night. I would have been pissed if it wasn’t just so fucking ridiculous. I mean how do you do that? What kind of person buys a Smart car AND drives like a jackass?? Wait, hang on, it may actually make sense. Fact time:
1) They aren’t that cheap (considering). With a base price ranging from $11,990 to $16,990 depending on the model, this car’s demographic is not exactly going to overlap with that of real “environmentalists”. It’s more of a second car for someone that is to “Smart” to buy gas every four seconds. Which brings me to my next point.
2) According to the “About Us” portion of the companies website, the Smart car “has become the ‘it’ car in many countries throughout the world.” Can we say “status symbol”? I guess I’d rather have the stay-at-home moms driving those things to Whole Foods than a Suburban. This way when they crash trying to talk on the phone, paint their nails, fuck with the iPod, and look in the mirror while driving, they’ll only rid the world of themselves.
3) It’s German
Mensa, what a joke. So here’s what you need to know. Mensa sucks, it’s just a organization for “the smartest people in the world” to learn how to bend over far enough to suck their own dicks. I guess sometimes, when they’re lucky, the suck each other’s. But seriously, check out their site:
They’re just pompous assholes. It’s an organization for people who’s IQ scores are in the top 2% of the population, and it’s just there so that they can pat each other on the back, because no one else will do it for them. Continue reading