Welcome to the errordactyl coolness aptitude test, or the ECAT for short. The purpose of the ECAT is to determine just how valid you are to society. I tested it out yesterday for the first time on my two friends Patrick and Anthony. Below is the test, followed by the answers, and the transcripts of my conversations with them.
TO TAKE THE TEST, SIMPLY CHOOSE WHICH THING IS COOLER:
1 ) freakishly tall people vs. freakishly short people
2 ) motorcycles vs. siamese twins attached at the penis
3 ) those extreme fish that live in super hot water vs. the NASA plane with backwards wings that can fly out of our atmosphere
4 ) Ronald McDonald vs. the alien-Sigourney Weaver hybrid from the “Alien” movies
5 ) the sun vs. boobs
6 ) persians vs. the tooth fairy
7 ) alcohol vs. the color brown
8 ) non-anime cartoons vs. cold stuff between -40 and 0 degrees Celsius
9 ) Mayans vs. the printing press
10 ) hagfish vs. butterflies
11 ) hitler vs. cigarettes
ATTENTION EVERYONE, this is an urgent message from errordactyl:
PYRAMIDS ARE MEGA SWEET
They’re scientific, mathematical, and engineering marvels, in many ways a pinnacle of human accomplishment. The Great Pyramid in particular. According to his holiness wikipedia:
The accuracy of the pyramid’s workmanship is such that the four sides of the base have a mean error of only 58 millimeter in length, and 1 minute in angle from a perfect square. The base is horizontal and flat to within 15 mm. The sides of the square are closely aligned to the four cardinal compass points (within 3 minutes of arc based on true north not magnetic north).
In layman’s terms, that means that its construction is mind boggling. It was the tallest man made structure in the world for over 3,800 years after its completion. It lines up with cosmic bodies within a staggering margin of error. EVEN WITH OUR CURRENT LEVEL OF TECHNOLOGY WE STILL COULDN’T BUILD THEM TO THAT LEVEL OF PRECISION! So how the fuck did they manage to drag 5.9 million metric tons into a 2.5 million cubic meter pile with such accuracy? Or more specifically:
HOW CAN I GET MY OWN?
Yes, SkyMall, you know that catalog in every single seat pocket of every single commercial airplane on earth. Well, maybe not Uzbekistan Airways, I flew that one time and it was so terrifying I drove back, no bullshit! Anyway SkyMall is the best periodical currently in production. PERIOD! End of story. Where else can you find cool stuff like: Continue reading