I’m not the biggest fan of humans, I’m just going to be up front about that one. I know, I know, I’m a human and I have human friends that I like, but i think that’s kind of on par with when you accuse someone of being racist, and they respond with “I have plenty of black friends”. They’re still racist, and I still hate humans. I mean, what the hell do we do? We’re pointless!!! We’re not even a link in the food chain! We’re just the ball at the end of it, dragging everything else down with us. Fuck humans. The only cool thing we have ever done is music (and pyramids). Music is awesome, but at the same time, it really isn’t anything at all. It’s just a concept, existing solely in the minds of other humans. Even when music is played, it takes an other human to interpret it as more than just sound. A dog doesn’t know the difference between music and the humm of an electric light. So without humans, music isn’t real, it sucks too.
There’s a “stats” page in the admin section of this site where I can see things like how many people look at the blog, where they were referred from, which pages got the most traffic, and all kinds of other fun info. One of the things that I can see is what people have typed into search engines to find my site. These are always the funniest. I get stuff like “when do i firs shave” or “is mensa a joke”, that kind of stuff. However, I saw something particularly retarded down there yesterday:
Is someone actually trying to cheat their way in to McDonalds? This is too awesome.
I found the coolest restaurant ever. Finally in this world of hypocritical fast food bullshit there is a shining beacon of light:
The Heart Attack Grill, awesome. They just make the most delicious, most terrible for you burgers, and then talk about how terrible they are for you. Guess what, people eat it anyway. Sorry McDonald’s, everyone knows you make shit food, they eat it because they don’t care, not because they think it’s healthy. Just give it up with the salads and shit already.
Oh, and on that note the salads are even bad for you. You get 26% of your daily fat, and 35% of your sodium from the salad alone, with all of the real nutrition stripped out of the shitty re-hydrated lettuce long before you eat it. Then add the dressing, and you’ve got yourself up to a whopping 54% of your daily fat intake and 56% of your sodium. Compare that to the 40% daily fat and 50% daily sodium of a Quarter Pounder, and you have yourself a funny joke at the expense of the soccer moms.