This blog is no more, it has ceased to be.
for all future errordactyl pleasure, please visit:
This blog is no more, it has ceased to be.
for all future errordactyl pleasure, please visit:
Some of you may have heard of this robot in Japan who fell in love with one of his intern/trainer people, barricaded her in his room, and refused to stop hugging her repeatedly until his eventual deactivation by two senior staff members. But to be perfectly fair here, did you see the way she was dressed? SHE WAS TOTALLY ASKING FOR IT!!! Continue reading
I watched “Babylon A.D.” last night, and though it was not a particularly fantastic movie, it definitely had it’s moments. So here they are (in order of lamest to coolest): Continue reading
Well that wasn’t so hard, was it? That’s retorical (fucking stupid ass text based communication). At any rate, I’m glad that at least SOME of my readers out there don’t take themselves too seriously. And bonus points for the purple sharpie too, that rules.
So here’s to all of you who don’t have a stick up your ass. Keep it cumming coming!
I scored a copy of the new Prodigy album the other day, and it ROCKS!!!! I must say that, despite my die-hard love for The Prodigy, I was a little worried that they had already reached their apex. Nothing could have been further from the truth. “Invaders Must Die” continues to really push the limits of Liam Howlett’s ingenuity, and draw from a diverse musical background of both electronic and acoustic musical genres (hell, Dave Grohl even plays drums on one track). The Prodigy managed to stay true to their old school electronica roots, and signature sound, while moving further into the rock-electronica fusion genre that they did so much to create. It is worth mentioning as well that the two remixes on the “Omen” single release are FIRE as well. Though that is to be expected from Noisia and Chase and Status. The album is scheduled for release in the States on March 3rd, GO BUY IT!!!!!
I’m not the biggest fan of humans, I’m just going to be up front about that one. I know, I know, I’m a human and I have human friends that I like, but i think that’s kind of on par with when you accuse someone of being racist, and they respond with “I have plenty of black friends”. They’re still racist, and I still hate humans. I mean, what the hell do we do? We’re pointless!!! We’re not even a link in the food chain! We’re just the ball at the end of it, dragging everything else down with us. Fuck humans. The only cool thing we have ever done is music (and pyramids). Music is awesome, but at the same time, it really isn’t anything at all. It’s just a concept, existing solely in the minds of other humans. Even when music is played, it takes an other human to interpret it as more than just sound. A dog doesn’t know the difference between music and the humm of an electric light. So without humans, music isn’t real, it sucks too.
I can’t make this stuff up. Seriously. I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that someone turned to Google for coital disrobing advice, or the fact that my site came up in the search results. In fact, I didn’t even really believe it myself untill I doubble checked, and sure enough, number three:
the internet… ROTFL
There’s a “stats” page in the admin section of this site where I can see things like how many people look at the blog, where they were referred from, which pages got the most traffic, and all kinds of other fun info. One of the things that I can see is what people have typed into search engines to find my site. These are always the funniest. I get stuff like “when do i firs shave” or “is mensa a joke”, that kind of stuff. However, I saw something particularly retarded down there yesterday:
Is someone actually trying to cheat their way in to McDonalds? This is too awesome.
THIS IS A CALL TO MY FEMALE READERSHIP to send pictures of their bare chests (or cleavage if you’re a prude) with “www.errordactyl.com” scrawled across them in sharpie. The pictures will then be distributed across the internet in prominent (probably inappropriate) places. If you’re not a female, don’t let that stop you from degrading your friends by convincing them to participate.
Send pictures to: firstname.lastname@example.org
must be at least 18 to enter.
and before you get all on my nuts about this, please also note that I know this is a blatant exploitation and objectification of women, and does not adhere to any “commonly excepted” social ethical code (at least not one that people will admit to). So if that’s all you want to tell me, save your breath. I don’t care, because sex sells and that’s a fact.
So this concludes our little experiment here on errordactyl (sorry Maipeisu). I had to rap the photo shoot up in time to go meet a friend and get to the video store before it closed. Plus, I’m not really sure I could drink a whole lot more than 12 shots in an hour-and-a-half anyway. Also, I decided that I wasn’t getting drunk enough fast enough, so I doubled up on the shots for the last outfit here. Talk about the straw that broke the camel’s back. Ooph. I forgot these things take a little time to set in, at least my Hollywood Video experience was fun though.
My weekend is over and I’m well rested (which is odd for me). However, it looks like “E’s” readership has been doing anything but resting. WOW, they almost make me feel like I’m the crazy one. I like how they just ignore me too:
Awesome. Anyway, on with today’s outfits:
Seven shots and still going strong, which is more than I can say for my new friend. “E” sure seems to have a thing for giant unflattering jackets. Luckily for her, it looks like eight shots may be one to many for me. At that point I became preoccupied with how awesome the color purple is at the expense of, well, everything else. But don’t worry, I didn’t let that stop me.
I’m doubling up today, because otherwise this thing will go on forever. Without giving a way too much, I drank a LOT that night. Though loading this many pictures at once from my work computer is a harrowing task, frankly sometimes it seems like I could get a better internet connection with string and Dixie cups. I also feel the need to give credit where credit is due, our girl is getting a little better at dressing herself. “E” should consider sitting at home all day listening to hip-hop more often. I’m sure whatever she usually does during the day is not nearly as important as whoring herself out on the internet for superficial ego validation.
So anyway, apparently three shots is the point at which I forget to unbutton my jacket when sitting down, and four is where I re-kindle my love for toy airplanes.
Alright girls and boys, it’s day two of the errordactyl fashion blog, and still no word from miss “E”. Even given my best efforts to incite iRiot with comments like:
I can’t believe you think all this crap looks good. I can dress myself better in a drunken stupor. In fact, I did, and I’m posting it on my blog http://www.errordactyl.com, have a nice day.
hey, i’ve got two drinks in me and i’m still the better dressed internet attention whore over here at www.errordactyl.com
Hummm… maybe she understands the “free reign” anarchistic nature of the internet better than I thought. Or maybe she just doesn’t know how to work it (more likely). Anyway, so here’s drink number two and I’m feeling a bit more casual. Today also features a surprise trip to the great out doors…
Alright, so I stumbled across a “fashion” blog a little while ago called the District of Chic. Now aside from being a blog about style in a city that has none, it’s more specifically a blog about the style of a girl that has none. I believe she calls herself “E”, maybe shes afraid someone will try to track her down and beat some (fashion) sense into her.
Anyway, I decided that the only way to deal with this is to do a little fashion blogging of my own, only mine will have a little errordactyl spin on it. The basic premise is this:
HOW DRUNK DO I HAVE TO GET TO BE AS BAD AT DRESSING MYSELF AS “E” IS?
and there is only one way to find out. So the other night I lined up the whisky shots and got to work, with the help of my friend and her digital camera. Here’s how it went down:
1) pick out an outfit
2) put it on
3) take a shot
4) take some pictures
5) repeat over and over again
All of the clothes in these pictures came from my own wardrobe, and I even threw some cheap crap in there just for you miss “E”. Each outfit was conceived of just before I put it on. Over the next few days I will post the chronological progression of the evening.
Welcome to the errordactyl coolness aptitude test, or the ECAT for short. The purpose of the ECAT is to determine just how valid you are to society. I tested it out yesterday for the first time on my two friends Patrick and Anthony. Below is the test, followed by the answers, and the transcripts of my conversations with them.
TO TAKE THE TEST, SIMPLY CHOOSE WHICH THING IS COOLER:
1 ) freakishly tall people vs. freakishly short people
2 ) motorcycles vs. siamese twins attached at the penis
3 ) those extreme fish that live in super hot water vs. the NASA plane with backwards wings that can fly out of our atmosphere
4 ) Ronald McDonald vs. the alien-Sigourney Weaver hybrid from the “Alien” movies
5 ) the sun vs. boobs
6 ) persians vs. the tooth fairy
7 ) alcohol vs. the color brown
8 ) non-anime cartoons vs. cold stuff between -40 and 0 degrees Celsius
9 ) Mayans vs. the printing press
10 ) hagfish vs. butterflies
11 ) hitler vs. cigarettes
I have now discovered the joys of drinking on an airplane. WOW! It’s the only way to fly. Let’s just say that planes aren’t my favorite things in the world, but with the cunning use of alcohol, they get a lot easier to deal with. My flight to LA left at 5:40am on christmas morning, by about 8:00 we were landing in Denver to change planes, TURBULENCE!!! Also not my favorite thing in the world. Luckily I was seven bloody marys into my morning at that point, and all I could think was:
“At least I’m going to die in first class listening to the Thong Song. This is awesome.”
I’ve seen the end, and I liked it. Well, until they cut me off five drinks into the next flight anyway. By the time I got to grandma’s house and had a couple glasses of wine, I didn’t even know it was christmas. I now know why they invented lounge chairs.
So I don’t produce a lot of the mainstream club house stuff, but a while ago I thought I’d give it a try. I never really finished the track, but it’s close, I need to fix the kick drum and a coupple of things in the builds before I’ll really be happy. So on that note: LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! Comment, or email me or something, I can always use the input.
Alright, here’s the newest (or oldest) instalment from the psudo-house project “$low lori$” that I’m working on right now. This is actually the first track that we produced, and it’s a real shout out to the DC scene. The song is a remix of “On the Sacred” by Black Eyes.
LISTEN: White Eyes
Why is everyone so shocked that Muntadar threw his shoes at Bush? It doesn’t exactly take a lot of ingenuity to come up with that one. Shoes are easily accessible, nicely weighted, and relatively stealth (until you throw them). They have a pretty good range too, but they’re non-lethal (guess you can’t win them all).
I guess what I’m trying to say is:
WHAT THE HELL IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING GITTY ABOUT HERE?
The most impressive part of this whole thing is Bush’s dodging skills, I honestly didn’t know he had it in him. Other than that, it’s just not that big a deal. People do stuff like this when they’re mad. If I had a nickel for every time I threw something out of anger, I’d be rich as crap. And face it, THIS GUY WAS PISSED! You would be too if you had been kidnapped in Bush’s little Iraqi fuck-fest last year like al-Zaidi was.
Frankly, and this is the most shocking part of all, the only person who seems to agree with me is… George W. Bush himself! That’s right, he was quoted, in response to the incident, as saying:
So what if the guy threw his shoe at me?
It’s a way for people to draw attention. I don’t know what the guy’s cause is. But one thing is for certain. He caused you to ask me a question about it. I didn’t feel the least bit threatened by it.
Really people? Really? I’ve manage to make it eight years without agreeing with that asshole, and now this? Thanks again main-stream media, I can always count on you.
I found the coolest restaurant ever. Finally in this world of hypocritical fast food bullshit there is a shining beacon of light:
The Heart Attack Grill, awesome. They just make the most delicious, most terrible for you burgers, and then talk about how terrible they are for you. Guess what, people eat it anyway. Sorry McDonald’s, everyone knows you make shit food, they eat it because they don’t care, not because they think it’s healthy. Just give it up with the salads and shit already.
Oh, and on that note the salads are even bad for you. You get 26% of your daily fat, and 35% of your sodium from the salad alone, with all of the real nutrition stripped out of the shitty re-hydrated lettuce long before you eat it. Then add the dressing, and you’ve got yourself up to a whopping 54% of your daily fat intake and 56% of your sodium. Compare that to the 40% daily fat and 50% daily sodium of a Quarter Pounder, and you have yourself a funny joke at the expense of the soccer moms.
(just trust me on this one)
What’s wrong with these pictures?
Let’s see… those ugly-ass girls should definitely be wearing more clothes. And… oh yea! they’re in a SINK! at KFC!!! I mean, I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t look like fun (minus the fat 17-year-olds), but if you read the article you’ll find that they got caught because they put the pictures up on Myspace! RETARDS. Now they’re jobless, and unable to feed the hordes of trailer-trash children that they no doubt have. God bless America
Yea that’s right, I said “saga”. I’m just going to pretend that I have people that keep up with all my crap, because it makes me happy. Anyway, for those of you who don’t, you will see in one of my previous posts that I was mildly upset by a review of the movie “WALL-E”. At the time I thought this review was written by the Kent Paul, the host of the site, however Kent was polite enough to explain to me that I had been doing sloppy research, and in fact the article was written by this dickhead:
What a beast. All he does is drive Ferraris, slaughter endangered animals, rape nuns, and do cocaine. What else do you expect from someone with an IQ of 437?
Alex Trebek is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of Alex Trebek
So a while ago there was a remix contest thing for one of the songs from “The Fountain“. If you haven’t seen the movie, you should, it’s incredible. Darren Aronofsky was behind it, the same guy that made “Pi” and “Requiem for a Dream”. At any rate, the music is equally impressive. It was written by Clint Mansell, and preformed by the Kronos Quartet and Mogwai, all of whom are fucking incredible. It’s a sort of coherent classical score all the way through, with varying degrees of rock instrumentation. Just buy it, you’ll be happy.
Anyway, they put up the multitracks of one of the songs, “Stay With Me”, so that people could remix it and post it back up on the site. I don’t think there was a reward or anything, but i did it anyway. The problem was, I was kind of behind the bandwagon on this, so they had abandoned the site by the time I was done. Anyway, I like my version, so I’m putting it up here for people to listen to.
LISTEN: Stay With Me (Rex Riot Remix)
Which is weird because I don’t usually get sick. I’ve always had, like, a superhuman immune system, but i guess that doesn’t really make a difference because I’m pretty sure I have tuberculosis. That’s alright though, ever since I saw “Tombstone” when I was a kid I wanted to be Doc Holiday anyway. Val Kilmer tore that shit up.
This guy posted a link on my WALL-E article to his blog entry about the same movie. I’m all for shameless self promotion, so I left it up there, hell, I even clicked on it! It wasn’t bad, maybe a little bland, but he tears WALL-E apart for goofy logistical inconsistencies. He made a list of “critiques, questions and inconsistencies concerning WALL•E”. They were really all questions, so I answered them… all. You can see his post at http://kentpaul65102.wordpress.com/2008/12/08/wall-e-article-discussion/, but because I doubt he will allow my comment through on his site, I have copied the whole thing here: Continue reading
Being the good Pixar stock holder that I am, I watched WALL-E last night. Aside from all of the typical physics impossibilities, and the fact that it was essentially one big iBro advertisement, I very was pleasantly surprised. WALL-E was pretty fucking awesome. I mean, I expect a fun movie from Pixar, but with insane computer graphics becoming more and more commonplace, they’ve had to team up with Disney for some help with the other stuff, so you never know. As I’m sure everyone already knows, it was about these little guys here:
Well kind of. It was really about chaos theory and sentient thought, at least that’s what I got out of it, I was pretty drunk, and high (attention government, if you’re reading this I was high on life, that statement does not indicate any illicit drug use on my behalf). Continue reading
A couple of days ago one of my more ignorant coworkers was going off about god stuff, as usual. I forget exactly how it came up, but he said something along the lines of
“well everyone worships da same god, just in different ways. It’s da Christian god, some people just don’t know that”
When I told him that there were polytheistic religions out there, his response was “yea, but they all dead now”. Hummmmm… Ok idiot, you know there are a lot of people out there that don’t believe in a god at all right? He didn’t understand. “no they just be callin him somethin else”. This is so fucking frustrating, I could have a more productive conversation with Helen Keller. Anyway, after much bickering, he hits me with this:
“Look, there is only one god, and that’s his name, God. OK? If you call him somethin else, then you goin to hell. Aight son?”
I’ve decided that my posts have been goofy and kind of lame recently, sorry about that. At least you can all rest assured that I’ve been randomly less infuriated with the world recently. Maybe. Or perhaps I’m just less articulate about it. At any rate there are still some people out there in cyberspace with interesting shit to say. Like the Associated Press. This is a really cool article that I found on cbsnews.com, it has to do with separating the ideas of “self” and “body”, or at least exploring if that’s possible. I copied the whole thing below:
Here is a preview of the most recent project that I’ve been involved with. It’s called “$low lori$”, after this tight ass animal. The music is mainly dance remixes, but not cop-out dance remixes, I think we’ve done a good job of putting a new spin on it. CHECK IT OUT! This one is a remix of “Agenda Suicide” by The Faint. There’s more to come.
LISTEN TO: The Quaint
I went to the FYE across the street from where I work yesterday in search of some CDs. I know, crazy right? Who buys CDs? Well based on their store’s presentation they were asking the same question. Movies, shirts, goofy electronics, posters, a fucking life size John McCain cardboard cutout, they seemed to have everything but music there, and certainly not the music I wanted. After a few laps around the store I could find neither the techno nor the classical sections, so i stood in line for 15 minutes to ask the one employee for help. She had to get her coworker to stop beating his dick in the back room and come out to help me. God forbid you actually know where these things are. He showed me the tiny dance music section, and the even tinier unmarked classical area. “For Your Entertainment” my ass. Good job guys, anyway, they did have this:
Anyone who likes Drum and Bass should buy it immediately, anyone who doesn’t should get a life. Anyway, the two CDs that I really wanted weren’t there, Beethoven’s Opus 131, and Verdi’s Requiem. In fact there weren’t ANY Beethoven or Verdi recordings at all, and from the way the employee guy was talking, there seldom were.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?!!???!?!?!?!!? Continue reading
Hello girls and boys, the word of the day today is “thrush”. What’s thrush you ask? Well I’ll tell you. Thrush is a yeast infection in your mouth, it looks like this:
Me and my brother constructed an exact replica of stonehenge out of dominoes last night. Stonehenge is fucking awesome.
I went to see “Kooza” last night, it was the third production of Cirque Du Soleil that I’ve seen, and it was fucking tight as hell.
Everything was amazing, the music, the sets, the costumes, the lights, colors, characters, THE SHIT THEY DID!!!! I can’t get over it. They were all so… WEIRD! And that was just it, every single person in that show was weird as crap. That’s what we pay to see. Continue reading
Let’s face it, everyone hates lefties. They are the most highly discriminated against group of people on the planet. I mean, I personally can’t remember the last time someone killed 6 million southpaws, but I’m sure it happened at some point. Anyway, what I’m talking about is the subtle everyday “fuck you” the world gives them with things like:
virtually all machinery
The list goes on, forever. And they just sit back and take it! I don’t know why, maybe the leucine-rich repeat transmembrane neuronal protein 1 gene is linked to a secret love of getting pounded in the ass by society or something. So… I would just like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to all of my sinistral friends out there. Don’t worry guys, A CHANGE IS GONNA COME! Obama is a lefty.
I was snooping around work the other day, and while looking over a coworker’s shoulder I saw this picture:
Wow, that broadcast does look horrifying, but news worthy? I don’t know. Living in an area where most murders don’t even make the news, I find it hard to believe that this guys goofy face would make it on it’s own. Luckily my coworker had just stood up, leaving his computer vulnerable to my attacks. I scroll up to find this headline at the top of the page:
I have the zillion dollar idea, ready?
I’m going to invent the dog that never shits. Everyone will buy it. It will be 100% energy efficient, converting all of its food into pure energy. And it will have one of these things where its asshole would be:
Don’t take my idea, I know you want to.
Apparently it’s now cool to treat sunglasses as a permanent extension of your face. You know, inside, at night, to church, weddings, funerals, or wherever the fuck you go. I don’t know how this happened, but if you are a subscriber to this fashion you may want to consider taking them off, putting them in your mouth, and choking to death in an attempt to swallow them whole.
Sorry, you look like an idiot. That’s just a fact, I don’t care how fashionable it is.
And why do you lend so much credence to fashion anyway? I’m not saying you should look bad all the time, far from it. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m a woman when it comes to shopping for clothes, and that’s fine with me. Looking good is important, but here’s the deal:
FASHION DOES NOT EQUAL STYLE!!!! Continue reading